The Self-sustaining Matrix...

Is it necessary that what we want we never get, or is it that we never like what you get?
What is the actual thing? I mean you sit and wonder and all you can see is No Color!!!
You hear thing like “Life is full of obstacle illusions” etc etc…
Is it that, our life is a matrix created by the complexity of the society around us?
Is it that these supposedly illusions are the actual things after all as we also live in a matrix and thus we never are able to overcome these?
Why this inertia….. How can I free my mind…. How can walk the path instead of knowing it….
When will I stop plagiarizing and think something of my own and write something of my own….


Too many questions and so few leads and so few answers…..

It is true when my friend said this… Amrut…. R u a rut by character… I defended saying no way!!
But come to think of it, the only I can think of right now is Black and ladies and gentlemen “black is no color!!!”
We have loads of unanswered questions in the initial paragraph; the most important being “is it that we never get what we want?”
Most people agreed with me when I said the answer to this question as “yes”; the most important thing being that their faces also frowned just like mine.
I asked the same question to my dearest friend Antara. She also agreed with it but there was an orangey twist in it (you got that right!!! taken from Smirnoff…).
She said that with a BEAUtiful smile on her face. That opus of a smile was mind blowing and enthralling, but then was indeed surprising.
Antara who can sense even the change in my pulse, gave me one of her smiles when I need to ask her specifically what I need to know.
So I ventured, “Darling, I am entitled for an explanation of the enthralling experience I had. So please will you?”…
With her usual composure, she started explaining…
“See my dear, man does live in a matrix created by himself; a matrix which has the complex society and his aspirations in it. The great men, the creators of these societies were very smart.
They created this matrix in such a way that a person should always dream of achieving something new, something better than what he has. So my dear in doing so, an illusion, which is not much of an illusion though as you rightly pointed out, is created where all think that they can’t get what they want and that’s the way the society is; the matrix is. But this very nature of the matrix is what is self sustaining and helps in the continuous and astronomical growth of the society and thus the individual. So if you get what you want, or rather you are “satisfied” with what you get the society will never grow!!! Hence the sense of no color is actually a beautiful realization of the fact that we can’t stay rut in this matrix created by us. We need to look for colors, more colors and more colors…..”
Just as she finished saying this a song started playing in my mind…
“
I see life and it's passin' right before my eyes
And the past is the past don't regret it, time to realize
…..
……
It don't matter where it takes me
Long as I can keep this feeling runnin' through, my soul
……
…..
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown
Won't be coming back this way gotta go it alone
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown
….
….
“

Anarchy 99

Ya, this word fell on his ears while watching XXX starring Vin Diesel. Democracy, he heard daily. The more he thought, the more the meaning of the latter in the current scenario progressed towards the former.
He had decided to do something about the conflicting meanings of Democracy.
On the 172nd page of the Webster’s (an old edition he had kept for sentimental reasons) he read,

Democracy: The political orientation of those who favor government by the people or by their elected representatives.

The meaning that he had experienced…

Democracy: Anarchy + government…

What an ironic concept democracy had turned out to be, a government practicing anarchy!!! He curtailed his urge to look up the meaning of Anarchy…..
He had felt helpless all throughout his life, where he had do things against his conscience. “Mr. Conscience is dead” was the phrase he quoted initially with lots of contempt and then it became a phrase he used to smile and say. He had risen in the social ladder very fast in the past 28months. His career was discussed all over the television; his books reviewed again, his interviews hosted live on sites… He was everywhere. Even though he enjoyed the importance for initial few days, once he realized what he had become he couldn’t avoid the depression. The big shot businessman, a philanthropist suddenly was appointed to be the “President of the Republic of India”, the first citizen of India… Some would say it was a great achievement. His misconception about this being an achievement surfaced as he read a bill which he was supposed to sign to be passed in the parliament house. It was the reservation bill again!!! He had seen the protests of 2006 against a similar bill. The gandhian protests didn’t really help other than making some news and taking lives of innocent patients waiting in Delhi Chikitsa Vidnyana Sunstha popularly known today as DCV the then AIIMS. The name was changed because the Delhi government said it wanted to avoid foreign language names!!! 20 years since that time and we are still talking about the same things. We still call ourselves a developing country. For god sake for how many more years we will still be a developing country!!! Today there was no protests maybe because… yes he remembered there was no such movie like RDB to provoke the agitation and that movie was already forgotten.
He was again at the crossroads in his life. Just like always, he decided to take the road less traveled, his tried and tested way to succeed. Here it was not his life but the life of billions of Indians at stake!!! The politicians had for once failed to see through him, the person they were going to put in charge of the worlds second largest army. But then, this alter ego of his had risen from the past again just 3 months back when he met the chieftains of the three armies. The ruthless, unflinching, calculating machine which didn’t take any half measures and every move was so calculated that it had to succeed.
Luckily the three chiefs were in complete agreement with him and he had the knack to convince even the demons if he believed in something. Operation Shuddhi had finally reached a stage where his dream would be made public. The whole of the armed forces including the police had been cleaned up. The plot of the coup was ready and from the next morning he would be solely responsible for whatever happens in India. He had to make some hard decisions, blood shed was a necessity and he was ready to do what it takes. Just then the phone rang….
“Vande Mataram”
“Vande Mataram sir”
“Update General…”
“The Parliament is clean sir with red blood. The zero hour session has been cleared of all the dirt. All the states have also been cleaned up. UP and Bihar were cleaned up faster than we thought though the ratio of deaths to surrender there, is more.”
“Sigh… Let there souls rest in peace”
“Operation Shuddhi phase II is a complete success sir”
“Hmmm… Phase III?”
“Troops have been mobilized for that. The rule books have been circulated in all corners of the country sir. All the rule books carry your signature”
“Hmmm… If everything goes as planned India will be a better place with no gender bias, no communal bias, no corruption and just growth. I hope history will forgive my, this act of violence. It was necessary to clean up the state before thinking of the revolution”
“You have our entire support sir”
“Thank you general. Please prepare for my speech in the morning. The press has been taken into confidence?”
“Yes sir. They were more than happy to comply”
“Hmmm… General…You and I, lets make India a better place to live. Vande Mataram”
“Vande Mataram Sir”

………
………………..

Epilogue:

The Rest is Future….

This work of fiction arose from the frustration that was created with what I saw all around me. Anarchy!!! Nobody follows the law. What is the point of education when the people who break these laws are all very very well educated? The saddest part of the education we get is that there is no ethics!!! Educated people lack ethics… Look at the irony!!! Don’t you feel sick to the stomach to be associated with such a community? I do. I am trying from my side not to break the law and persuade people who do not to. What I have realized is that, just some 100 people following the law and rest 10000 breaking it makes no sense. The people following the law are the outlaws in the society today. We need a revolution. Education hasn’t been able to give the desired result. So what do we do? Well, we can learn from history. A great ruler has a great dynasty of great people. I think we need something like that. It might sound very absurd. But monarchy is any day better than anarchy. If the monarch is like the hero of the fiction above, it will definitely make a difference. Well it has its downfalls. I know that. But I had to do justice to my brain. I had to document this idea that has been itching my grey cells since long time. It’s high time, some thing happens out of the box. This Democratic Anarchy has reached its peak already…. I hope the ridicule of the word called Law stops and there will be Light again on our beautiful sub-continent….

Finding Me…

Bearing the Chaos, trying to belong
I walk along…
Then came order, out of the chaos
All beaming and glossed…

Finding me again as I relived my past,
“Skimming the Roads Tasting the Winds”
I found them again shadowed in my mind…

No grey hair to be fair
Yet I live again…
Not afraid to not belong
I walk along...

------------- Dead Phantom
---------------------Alive again...

RDB Revisted…

I saw RDB yesterday again and cried again. What a movie!!! It makes you look so ridiculous and insignificant. I am really happy finally a good movie from India is into Oscars.
I could see this movie again courtesy Kannada Activist, The topewala Mr. Vatal Nagaraj and his followers. They had decided to have a Karnataka “Bandh”. By advertisement (read as threats etc) they had got the support of almost all unions and committees. Bangalore was absolutely closed. No food joints, no grocery shops, no panwalas were open. The height was, only Kannada channels were being broadcast on the cable!!! This was the epitome of support. Oh I forgot to mention the reason of the “Bandh”. It was the Belgaum Issue. I hope every one knows about it. The MES (Maharashtra Ekikaran Samiti) yet another group like the one Mr.Topevala heads. They want belgaum to be part of their state. Recently we have seen, states broken into two and thus new states springing up. Okay, let’s not digress. The reason why MES wants (the reason that it claims) is that Belgaum has a high population of marathi people. The Kannada Activists don’t agree to this as they say that it is an Integral part of Karnataka. So all this feud!!! Hey am I missing something here??? I guess not… Or am I?
Arey yes….I forgot to mention Belgaum is also a part of a supposedly great country named India!!! People have almost forgotten about that. Any MES activist doesn’t need a passport to enter Belgaum nor a person from belgaum or Bangalore needs the former to enter Mumbai!!! Why the fuss??? You see RDB and get so motivated to do something for this great country and then read the news paper to find these “Bandhs” being done. It leaves you so confused. On one hand you see movies like RDB and feel so great about India and then see the state of the politics and your vision gets distorted!!! What can you do? Ajay (RDB) says that you can join politics, ias, ips etc etc and change the things around here. Is it really possible? Pandey (RDB again) did try to join politics and you see what fate he ends up with!!!
The more I think, more I write the more distorted the view becomes. There is Chaos everywhere. Talking about Chaos, I am reading a book named Chaos. What it says is, there is some order even in Chaos. Can physics be applied to real life???
I am really confused…..

Inconsequential Existence

Sitting in the blue bus,
I feel the rush
It’s neither the adrenal nor the blood.

I peep from the window
To get fresh air
It’s neither here nor anywhere.

Skimming the roads
Tasting the wind
Are deeds of the past now indeed lost.

Hoping to connect
I stand by
To be overlooked like a passer by.

I wait just wait
All along
Hoping that one day I’ll belong.


------------- Dead Phantom

Chauka...

4 jobs I’ve had:

hmmm... Here you go...

Infosys

SAP

Tution Pamphlet ( I did this in 12th. I advertised the tution class i attended by distributing pamphlets all around the town. I got a discount in my tution fees :):):) )



4 films I could watch again and again:
I was not much of a movie buff until recently... The 4 i remember now...

Godfather (Part one)

Rocky II

Rang De Basanti

Dil Chahta Hai

4 places I’ve lived in:
Here I will use the houses that I have lived in...

Arunodaya (My home in dharwad)

Raghavendra Nilaya(My house in mysore)

528 Jayaram(My house in Blore during trainig)

001 Harsha Meadows(My house right now!!!)

4 TV series I like to watch:
I love watching TV...

Built for the Kill

Ballroom Bootcamp(this is the most recent that I am following on Travel and Living at 2100hrs)

Takeshi's Castle

Tom and Jerry

There are many more which can't be mentioned here due to social constraints!!! ;)

4 places that I’ve been on vacation to:

I will just mention the places that I have enjoyed the most

Kodaikanal

Waynad

Kolhapur

Mumbai

4 websites I visit everyday:

Google (lifeline...)

blogger

orkut

yahoo

4 books I’d love to read again and again:
I used to read a lot...

Godfather

5 point someone

Sherlock Holmes stories

Twist in the tale - archer(my fav)

4 favorite dishes:

Stuffed Bringal with lots and lots of masala dar curry prepared using red chilli and not green.

Huggi-gojju (Kinda of a kichdi... Prepared on special days)

Puran poli (This is a special sweet.. You can eat it with milk or a special kind of curry called "Amthe". It looks like a chapati. I usually like it with mango pickle.. My mouth is watering... bad tag!!!!!)

Pani puri!!!!!!!!!! I just love it....

4 places where I’d like to be right now:

Marine Drive mumbai!!!

Chamundi Hills

Waynad water falls that I visited.... I dont remember the name...

On my bike kissin the wind anywhere!!!! (Sadly after coming to blore I miss this exp a lot. This place is very very crowded!!!)

4 people I’m gonna tag:

Since Sid and I have common contacts, I am left with very few options!!!!

It is not about...

It was ironic. Eyes closed he could see light; as he opened his eyes there was darkness all around accompanied with a frightening, chilling silence. He could hear his breathing. He had that dream again, the Big Dream as he loved to call it. It is said that what you dream is directly proportional to what is cooking in your grey cells whole day. Hmmm… then he must be thinking about it day in and day out. So can it be really called a dream? This world is divided into a dichotomy here; ones who say it is and the other who say it can’t be called a dream. Dreams are also symbolic of the sleeplessness, the insomnia one experiences. He hasn’t had a full night sleep for ages now.
He sits up and starts thinking again, what all he needs to procure to realize his dream. He makes a mental list again on his virtual palimpsest. The task he has done umpteen times.

There are so many things he needs to procure!!! He has stopped laughing as the Dream always eludes him. His basic instincts have also diminished. He again lies down trying to give the so needed rest to his body muscles. His mind still wanders, pondering on his elusive dream that he has been chasing.

He wonders, is his dream worth the hardships that he going through? Are his hardships for real? He is doing nothing but think or rather crib, that he needs this or that to realize his dream. Doing Nothing!!! It sends a chill down his spine. His inability, to procure things that will facilitate easier realization of his dream, is rendering him into a state where he is doing NOTHING, waiting for a miracle so that he gets what he needs. But then, he contemplates this idea again today. The syzygy of events around him made him rethink. Why can’t he stop doing nothing? Why should he wait for that miracle? There can be other ways to start off the solution to his problem. They might look tedious but nevertheless there will no stagnation!!! The oxidation of the brain metal will stop, opening up new doors and new tangents of thought… Yes, it is not about…

As this minute hint of the total realization hit him, he plunged into a beautiful deep sleep like never before….

My Obsession - The Godfather

When people talk about me, almost all do mention my obsession for “The Godfather”.
My mobile ring tone is a symphony from the movie Godfather even I have Godfather written all over my bike!!!

Many people have asked me why? I myself have wondered why? I know it is not only to do with the movie. No doubt, being the most favorite movie of the world it must have something that has grabbed us all. But, when someone asks me to name one favorite scene from the movie, I fail to come up with that in an instant. I have to dig deep to come up with an answer. I am consistently inconsistent in this answer though. Seeing all this, I introspected my own obsession; The Godfather. Some interesting things came up all along this study.
Firstly, I am not obsessed with Godfather but the concept behind that. Godfather is a term used for a person who promises to take care of a child during Baptism and help bring up the child in a Christian manner. That is what the dictionary says. The key words in this definition for the case in point are, “promise” and “take care”. A person promises to take care of a child even though it is not his. He is an additional father for that child. God forbid if anything happens to the father, the child is not an orphan. He has his Godfather!!!
But, that is not exactly the concept that the term Godfather now points to. When you say Godfather you talk about Mafia. The Mafia or the Cosa Nostra… which means “Our Thing” in sicily a part of Italy from where this concept of Godfather which I am referring to comes up.
One definition of the Mafia that I liked the most was given by Sicilian ethnographer, Giuseppe Pitre, at the end of the 19th century:

Mafia is the consciousness of one's own worth, the exaggerated concept of individual force as the sole arbiter of every conflict, of every clash of interests or ideas.

This is the concept that I fell in love with. A sole arbiter, one person who is representative of power, of control, of respect!!!! A narcissist!!!
Many people hate this, this narcissism. I have discussed this with many of my elite friends and acquaintances. One statement of a particular discussion I would like to quote,

“Narcissism is good… A narcissist is a person who loves himself and knows what he is capable of. He is neither afraid nor intimidated by anyone. He never suffers from inferiority complex. Hence, he can appreciate whole heartedly good things in a person. He has no room for jealously and hence can non-egoistically appreciate what is good. He feels no fear when doing so”

This statement was made by another narcissist friend of mine, who is in IIM-A now. The concept behind godfather is also similar. He is supreme. If you listen to the music in the movie also, you feel that power. I might be exaggerating according to you, but it is true as far my mindset goes. There is one particular scene in the novel The Godfather by Mario Puzo, where the old dying counselor of the Don, asks him to order God not to take him. The counselor thinks at that moment that the Don, his Godfather is supreme than God himself. Only the Don knows better. And as if, the counselor was waiting for an order to die, he dies only when the Don tells him his work on earth is over and he may leave now.
This concept of power is what made me fall in love with the idea of Godfather. There is an interesting irony in all this, the man of power is soft spoken, he reasons before taking any action and is never harsh with words be it anyone even his enemy.

This quiescence, this Mystique and this Grandeur associated with the concept of Godfather is what made it my obsession!!!