The Damn Mask

Truth is stranger than fiction. What a statement! Let me put my interpretation of this same statement.
Fiction is just a shadow of the truth that happens in this world. A shadow which has the same outline and structure, but missing something very vital.
This vital thing is the color. The color in case of fiction is the real emotion, real happiness, real tears and fears.
Life is an Act and we are all actors. Unlike the movie actors who are just shadows of the actual world characters, we are real actors. The ones with the color! Everyday we wake up wearing a mask and perfrom the act we intend to perfectly and neatly without knowing that we are actually hiding under the mask. One might wonder whats under this mask... Well nobody gets to see it neither the person herself or her outer world. When you get bored of one mask you change it with another. We are always acting, pretending to be somebody. We never get to know who we are and suddenly one dies. The mask, the sticky mask persists. You are remembered as a person with certain characteristics based on the mask in which you have been seen. The damn mask never goes away. As Twain puts it "We are just Echoes"... and further he says "We are just compost heap made up of the decayed heredities, moral and physical."
The matrix persists and the pretensions continue... So much so that these become the real things and finally you end up saying "Show must go on....."
P.S.
I dont know why I wrote this and whether it makes any sense. It just a thought that came and I had to jot it down. Maybe in the future I read it again and i feel... What crap was this and manage a good laugh...

Life - A journey? A Destination?...

"What do you think about life dude as it is right now?" asked Rocky...
"Well actually, if I think about it sitting here between the woods its beautiful man, in fact it rocks..." said I...
"hmmm.... We need to live life by the hour man. Live and not repent what you did an hour back!!!"
"hmmm..."
There was a sudden silence. Amidst the woods, the silence was intimidating to the extent that I lost touch with all four dimensions.
As I got lost in thoughts, I remembered what I was thinking as I drove on the beautiful road to Kemmangundi...

Life is like the road. You overtake a vehicle in front of you, there is one more. You overtake that; there is another... and another and another...
However fast you are, there is always someone in front of you on the Road. Okay you reached your so called destination, but then there is some road ahead for you.
Again there are some more vehicles ahead of you. So the race never ends. You are never on the podium. There are always vehicles carrying the esteemed souls that are ahead of you...
Its a long journey. That is what life is; A journey. All that matters is the road you traveled.
That is the part in which you live your life. Destination is always one. You become one of the five elements. The final destination, however dark it may seem is the only eternal truth. Death!
I am no authority to say whether it is right to consider life a journey or a destination. All I can see, one enjoys life it it is treated more like a journey that a destination.
"Karmanya Vadhikaraste, Maa phalesu Kadachana"....

Well too philosophical right... Try this... Empty road, wind hitting your face, the hymn of your engine... You go in a trance. That is the trance when the mind wanders into unexplored territory.
That is when the grey cells of the part of your brain which are usually numb come alive and you think the thoughts such as above...
Well... All I can say is...

Revvin' up the engine
Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Ride into the Danger Zone...

Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Ride into the Danger Zone...
I went to the Danger Zone....

P.S. Adopted from the Top Gun OST; Danger Zone performed by Kenny Loggins.

Kahani Color Color ki…

The budget indicates another F******** year is over!!! Hey, it’s F for financial, what were you thinking??
That means again we have had our appraisals… Yes, the act of classification of someone with respect to ones worth.
Don’t stop reading now… I am not going to crib about my appraisal…
So why did I at all mention about it? All we do after appraisal is crib right???
Well to a great extent yes, but this cribbing comes in various sizes, shapes and colors depending on the intensity of the personality…
A rainbow is caused when the mighty Sun shines onto soft droplets of moisture. The same sun, the same water but 7 different colors…
Don’t go into physics and start analyzing the statements now, just read along to know the different colors of corporate cribbing after appraisal…

The Green Goblin…

In places where talking about % hike is not a crime (It is not in fact!!!), the green goblins are a common place.
Green symbolizes jealously and so does the green goblin’s cribbing style… In this style, the cribbing is triggered by the fact that, one has got more and one hasn’t. It is neither qualitative nor quantitative. Comparison is the key word in this style of cribbing and what is compared has no rules!!! Yes cribbing doesn’t need rules!!!!

The Red Crab…

These crabs are rare species and are scattered in all the environments irrespective of any pre-conditions. This kind of cribbing is characterized by extreme rage, shouting and making life sick for all those who are working with the crab. The read crabs are dangerous and almost always end the cribbing by changing their homes!!!

The Blue Whale…

These are the gentle giants and they are the most silent cribbers. They are the loyalists, the faithful and they are generally called Chu’s by the Crabs and the Goblins because of this attitude. In their style of cribbing, it is all self assuring talk. You hear statements like “It’s alright…”, “Money is not the ultimate goal…”, “He said I will get onsite…” and stuffs like… “Chodo yaar… Mast raho…” It is very difficult to predict the next step of these gentle giants…

The White Tiger…

The Tigers unlike the wild ones are the sufferers here. They are innocent by nature and are not able to comprehend why this has happened. They crib without any comparison unlike the Goblins. Their cribbing is all statistics, all numbers; Purely Qualitative and Quantitative. Their style is characterized by the sarcasm in their comments. They show the disappointment in a polished way. But under this polish lies a beast that might be unleashed at any time. Once that beast is unleashed, God help the guys on the other side of the line!!!

The Chameleons…

These are the funniest of all the cribbers. These chameleons are not sure whether whet they have got is good or bad… So they take the color of the species around them, be it green, red, blue or white… They just follow. They generally don’t feel anything about what has happened and manage to sleep calmly even though they have cribbed whole day!!! They are generally harmless…

The Black Crow…

Black is no color and hence this is the darkest cribbing you can find in the industry. These crows actually flock together and crib only when in company of any one of the above species… They hatch a plan and somehow by hook or crook always end up with good grades… But mysteriously nobody knows of their grades… These guys crib and crib as if they have got the worst that was on offer and all this is just part of their next game plan. They get all the inside stories and what all other species are thinking and sketch the map for the next year’s appraisal. They are the cold hearted players of the game. In fact they are the GAME the whole reason of all the confusion and colors!!!

So my dear readers, you saw the cribbing use of Irony here… English is a funny language, colors can signify joy… Colors can signify melancholy…
It is up to us to decide what we want them to represent…

P.S.
I thank the makers of K series for giving us titles which can be used so flexibly!!!

A Ride into the Danger Zone....

The souvenir adoring my cubicle

When I was fiddling with some stuff in my bag I happened to find something. It was something like a souvenir for me of one of the greatest experiences this season. This something was a laminated paper cap used by me for protection from the mighty Apollo. It carries an emblem, with has our three lions and an eagle flying just below them. Yes, no points for guessing… It’s the emblem of our Air Force… Bharatiya Vaayu Sena…

This cap came into my possession when I had been to see the Aero India Show – 2007. It was a Sunday and unlike usual Sundays, we got up rather early and by 9:45 we were in the parking. We had to wait for some of our friends as they were late. Luckily we entered the air field just in time for the majestic show. Since IAF is celebrating its platinum jubilee, it was a special aero show. It was special in many aspects as well. We will come to that in a moment… As we were entering the air field, one of the IAF soldier gave us these caps. We took our caps and went ahead hoping to find some place to watch the show. We didn’t believe what we saw. All the front rows were filled and everyone was standing on chairs to see the runway… Be a roman in rome and thus we followed the crowd and did the same thing….

The show was kicked off with the beautiful display of stunts by the saras helicopter group. My friend was timely in pointing out that Indian helicopter pilots are on par or even better than any others in the world and was also quick to point out that unfortunately our fighter plane pilots don’t have that status… The display of SARAS was mind blowing. I just mentioned about this aero show being special… Firstly I was present there (Yes I am still a narcissist) and secondly never were so many foreign planes shown in aero India show before. We saw the agile F-16. Nothing in the whole show could beat the maneuverability of this American killing machine. It was the sleek, fast and very very agile… I would say it looked like the best in the business. We saw Graffin (Not sure of the spelling) a Sweden make I guess… It was fast… It was so fast that I missed its photo 5 times before I got the timing just right to capture it. It was a super sonic and was really loud!!! We also had the FA-18. They were good. There were many other foreign aircrafts. One more was Mig-35, the newest and the mightiest of all the foreign planes that flew in the exhibition. However it looked too bulky and wasn’t even half as impressive as F-16.

Graffin finally caught on camera

Then there were the Indian exhibits (the planes that are part of the IAF). Finally we saw a fully functional LCA!!! I must say, it was really impressive. It is small, very small… My friend made a comment that it is completely indigenous etc etc… The other said, it is not even 1/10th as impressive as F-16 (ya we were absolutely awed by the American killer) and it was almost 10 years older to LCA. However I was impressed by LCA. It looked cool!!!! It was interesting to note that IAF has the lightest aircraft LCA and also the heaviest SU-30 in its quiver… The SU-30 is gigantic and very very loud… It looked very muscular and was a great sight to watch it fly by….

LCA - Indias Pride

Catching the LCA.....

By the time these planes were done, we were drained out. Without breakfast, just 2 Munches to munch on and standing in the grueling heat had taken its toll… But then all this was worth the experience we had. Content, we went looking for something to eat. We had assumed that the second part of the show is just a repetition of the morning show. We were so so wrong… Luckily we did ask one of the IAF officers and got to know that it was a whole day show. So we hogged on something and resumed our places on the chairs… As the second session started, I saw that the same planes were coming again and for some reasons all my energies were renewed and I started cheering for just about everything!!! I got some stares and glares as if it really mattered… I was getting bored when suddenly the announcement came….
It was the Suryakiran team which was to perform…. A group of 9 aircrafts which perform unbelievable air stunts which bring ones heart to his mouth… It was the best thing that we had seen the whole day… It was dangerous, it was thrilling, it was chilling and above all neck breaking for the spectators as the Suryakirans flew all around painting the sky in Indian tri-color. Man in not born with the ability to turn his head 360 degrees. It was a serious disability while watching the Suryakirans fly by… I can just go on and on, on the stunts they performed… But words are just words. You need to be there to believe it… You need to be there to feel it…. With a renewed sense of pride we returned from that show….
IAF really rocks!!!

Suryakirans...

Suryakirans...

Best of 2006....

You might have heard of the movie “Abhay”, as I am sure you wouldn’t have seen it after reading its review. I did watch it; Kamal Hassan (KH) is my favorite actor and people sometimes say I resemble him!!! Well whether I do or not, I enjoy his acting…
So I watched Abhay and also read about it… Rather it was the opposite, I read and then I watched the movie… In the interviews about Abhay, KH tried to substantiate his usage of cartoons. According to him, cartoons are the most violent creation of man; the most melancholic way of expressing something. You see his movie and you do feel that way. You must have read “You said it”. It is also dark. Seldom do popular cartoon strips have beautiful messages. In a way it makes sense also using cartoon to express things that you need to. It is a nice way to vent out your feelings without directly pointing fingers at anybody, “After all it is just a cartoon” is the bottom line.
So with these thoughts in mind, I tried my hand with cartooning. Well, I am not that greatly creative. So I didn’t create my own cartoon and even if I had done it would take time for that character to become popular. But I can make 1 + 1 = 2. So, I decided to use my favorite cartoon characters “Calvin” and his friend “Hobbes” to make the “2” I was talking about. The expressions were Watterson’s but the expressed views were mine…. I tried to use Calvin’s beautiful wide varied expression to express my ideas, my views and my state of mind…. I really thank Bill for giving us the most creative and so expressive and the so mysterious Calvin!!!
Unlike Bill, my canvas was the company white board which I painted with markers copying the expressions of Calvin to match the view I wanted to express on that given day.
Here are some that are my best of 2006…

2nd Nov 2006:
Notes: This is after I had to do a work around to fix a problem. The actual solution would take longer, but we had to do it fast. Hence this…

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4th Nov 2006:
Notes: This was on the 3rd consecutive Saturday when we had to work….

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7th Oct 2006:
Notes: We had to work on another Saturday, because of the Belgaum problem.

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7th Nov 2006:
This was when I had to work in excel continuously for 4 days!!!

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9th Nov 2006:
This was done for 2 reasons,
a) One of my friends got a great GRE score
b) Another friend had a great summers placement

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17th Nov 2006:
We had to put in loads of extra hours of work. Hence this…

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27th Sep 2006:
Against gandigiri….

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13th Dec 2006:
Well when I realized capitalism has its flaws….

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11th Dec 2006:
After Code Olympics – A 24 Hour coding extravaganza….

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20th Dec 2006:
I was held on gun point to say something good about the fairer sex. Being a feminist I could have, but then Calvin needs to be a bit sarcastic… That’s his style!!!

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24th Nov 2006:
This was when I had to redo some amount of code due to a process called transporting of code…

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Happy New Year..... Have a great year ahead!!!

The Self-sustaining Matrix...

Is it necessary that what we want we never get, or is it that we never like what you get?
What is the actual thing? I mean you sit and wonder and all you can see is No Color!!!
You hear thing like “Life is full of obstacle illusions” etc etc…
Is it that, our life is a matrix created by the complexity of the society around us?
Is it that these supposedly illusions are the actual things after all as we also live in a matrix and thus we never are able to overcome these?
Why this inertia….. How can I free my mind…. How can walk the path instead of knowing it….
When will I stop plagiarizing and think something of my own and write something of my own….


Too many questions and so few leads and so few answers…..

It is true when my friend said this… Amrut…. R u a rut by character… I defended saying no way!!
But come to think of it, the only I can think of right now is Black and ladies and gentlemen “black is no color!!!”
We have loads of unanswered questions in the initial paragraph; the most important being “is it that we never get what we want?”
Most people agreed with me when I said the answer to this question as “yes”; the most important thing being that their faces also frowned just like mine.
I asked the same question to my dearest friend Antara. She also agreed with it but there was an orangey twist in it (you got that right!!! taken from Smirnoff…).
She said that with a BEAUtiful smile on her face. That opus of a smile was mind blowing and enthralling, but then was indeed surprising.
Antara who can sense even the change in my pulse, gave me one of her smiles when I need to ask her specifically what I need to know.
So I ventured, “Darling, I am entitled for an explanation of the enthralling experience I had. So please will you?”…
With her usual composure, she started explaining…
“See my dear, man does live in a matrix created by himself; a matrix which has the complex society and his aspirations in it. The great men, the creators of these societies were very smart.
They created this matrix in such a way that a person should always dream of achieving something new, something better than what he has. So my dear in doing so, an illusion, which is not much of an illusion though as you rightly pointed out, is created where all think that they can’t get what they want and that’s the way the society is; the matrix is. But this very nature of the matrix is what is self sustaining and helps in the continuous and astronomical growth of the society and thus the individual. So if you get what you want, or rather you are “satisfied” with what you get the society will never grow!!! Hence the sense of no color is actually a beautiful realization of the fact that we can’t stay rut in this matrix created by us. We need to look for colors, more colors and more colors…..”
Just as she finished saying this a song started playing in my mind…
“
I see life and it's passin' right before my eyes
And the past is the past don't regret it, time to realize
…..
……
It don't matter where it takes me
Long as I can keep this feeling runnin' through, my soul
……
…..
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown
Won't be coming back this way gotta go it alone
Oh oh oh ohohoh -- destination unknown
….
….
“

Anarchy 99

Ya, this word fell on his ears while watching XXX starring Vin Diesel. Democracy, he heard daily. The more he thought, the more the meaning of the latter in the current scenario progressed towards the former.
He had decided to do something about the conflicting meanings of Democracy.
On the 172nd page of the Webster’s (an old edition he had kept for sentimental reasons) he read,

Democracy: The political orientation of those who favor government by the people or by their elected representatives.

The meaning that he had experienced…

Democracy: Anarchy + government…

What an ironic concept democracy had turned out to be, a government practicing anarchy!!! He curtailed his urge to look up the meaning of Anarchy…..
He had felt helpless all throughout his life, where he had do things against his conscience. “Mr. Conscience is dead” was the phrase he quoted initially with lots of contempt and then it became a phrase he used to smile and say. He had risen in the social ladder very fast in the past 28months. His career was discussed all over the television; his books reviewed again, his interviews hosted live on sites… He was everywhere. Even though he enjoyed the importance for initial few days, once he realized what he had become he couldn’t avoid the depression. The big shot businessman, a philanthropist suddenly was appointed to be the “President of the Republic of India”, the first citizen of India… Some would say it was a great achievement. His misconception about this being an achievement surfaced as he read a bill which he was supposed to sign to be passed in the parliament house. It was the reservation bill again!!! He had seen the protests of 2006 against a similar bill. The gandhian protests didn’t really help other than making some news and taking lives of innocent patients waiting in Delhi Chikitsa Vidnyana Sunstha popularly known today as DCV the then AIIMS. The name was changed because the Delhi government said it wanted to avoid foreign language names!!! 20 years since that time and we are still talking about the same things. We still call ourselves a developing country. For god sake for how many more years we will still be a developing country!!! Today there was no protests maybe because… yes he remembered there was no such movie like RDB to provoke the agitation and that movie was already forgotten.
He was again at the crossroads in his life. Just like always, he decided to take the road less traveled, his tried and tested way to succeed. Here it was not his life but the life of billions of Indians at stake!!! The politicians had for once failed to see through him, the person they were going to put in charge of the worlds second largest army. But then, this alter ego of his had risen from the past again just 3 months back when he met the chieftains of the three armies. The ruthless, unflinching, calculating machine which didn’t take any half measures and every move was so calculated that it had to succeed.
Luckily the three chiefs were in complete agreement with him and he had the knack to convince even the demons if he believed in something. Operation Shuddhi had finally reached a stage where his dream would be made public. The whole of the armed forces including the police had been cleaned up. The plot of the coup was ready and from the next morning he would be solely responsible for whatever happens in India. He had to make some hard decisions, blood shed was a necessity and he was ready to do what it takes. Just then the phone rang….
“Vande Mataram”
“Vande Mataram sir”
“Update General…”
“The Parliament is clean sir with red blood. The zero hour session has been cleared of all the dirt. All the states have also been cleaned up. UP and Bihar were cleaned up faster than we thought though the ratio of deaths to surrender there, is more.”
“Sigh… Let there souls rest in peace”
“Operation Shuddhi phase II is a complete success sir”
“Hmmm… Phase III?”
“Troops have been mobilized for that. The rule books have been circulated in all corners of the country sir. All the rule books carry your signature”
“Hmmm… If everything goes as planned India will be a better place with no gender bias, no communal bias, no corruption and just growth. I hope history will forgive my, this act of violence. It was necessary to clean up the state before thinking of the revolution”
“You have our entire support sir”
“Thank you general. Please prepare for my speech in the morning. The press has been taken into confidence?”
“Yes sir. They were more than happy to comply”
“Hmmm… General…You and I, lets make India a better place to live. Vande Mataram”
“Vande Mataram Sir”

………
………………..

Epilogue:

The Rest is Future….

This work of fiction arose from the frustration that was created with what I saw all around me. Anarchy!!! Nobody follows the law. What is the point of education when the people who break these laws are all very very well educated? The saddest part of the education we get is that there is no ethics!!! Educated people lack ethics… Look at the irony!!! Don’t you feel sick to the stomach to be associated with such a community? I do. I am trying from my side not to break the law and persuade people who do not to. What I have realized is that, just some 100 people following the law and rest 10000 breaking it makes no sense. The people following the law are the outlaws in the society today. We need a revolution. Education hasn’t been able to give the desired result. So what do we do? Well, we can learn from history. A great ruler has a great dynasty of great people. I think we need something like that. It might sound very absurd. But monarchy is any day better than anarchy. If the monarch is like the hero of the fiction above, it will definitely make a difference. Well it has its downfalls. I know that. But I had to do justice to my brain. I had to document this idea that has been itching my grey cells since long time. It’s high time, some thing happens out of the box. This Democratic Anarchy has reached its peak already…. I hope the ridicule of the word called Law stops and there will be Light again on our beautiful sub-continent….

Finding Me…

Bearing the Chaos, trying to belong
I walk along…
Then came order, out of the chaos
All beaming and glossed…

Finding me again as I relived my past,
“Skimming the Roads Tasting the Winds”
I found them again shadowed in my mind…

No grey hair to be fair
Yet I live again…
Not afraid to not belong
I walk along...

------------- Dead Phantom
---------------------Alive again...

RDB Revisted…

I saw RDB yesterday again and cried again. What a movie!!! It makes you look so ridiculous and insignificant. I am really happy finally a good movie from India is into Oscars.
I could see this movie again courtesy Kannada Activist, The topewala Mr. Vatal Nagaraj and his followers. They had decided to have a Karnataka “Bandh”. By advertisement (read as threats etc) they had got the support of almost all unions and committees. Bangalore was absolutely closed. No food joints, no grocery shops, no panwalas were open. The height was, only Kannada channels were being broadcast on the cable!!! This was the epitome of support. Oh I forgot to mention the reason of the “Bandh”. It was the Belgaum Issue. I hope every one knows about it. The MES (Maharashtra Ekikaran Samiti) yet another group like the one Mr.Topevala heads. They want belgaum to be part of their state. Recently we have seen, states broken into two and thus new states springing up. Okay, let’s not digress. The reason why MES wants (the reason that it claims) is that Belgaum has a high population of marathi people. The Kannada Activists don’t agree to this as they say that it is an Integral part of Karnataka. So all this feud!!! Hey am I missing something here??? I guess not… Or am I?
Arey yes….I forgot to mention Belgaum is also a part of a supposedly great country named India!!! People have almost forgotten about that. Any MES activist doesn’t need a passport to enter Belgaum nor a person from belgaum or Bangalore needs the former to enter Mumbai!!! Why the fuss??? You see RDB and get so motivated to do something for this great country and then read the news paper to find these “Bandhs” being done. It leaves you so confused. On one hand you see movies like RDB and feel so great about India and then see the state of the politics and your vision gets distorted!!! What can you do? Ajay (RDB) says that you can join politics, ias, ips etc etc and change the things around here. Is it really possible? Pandey (RDB again) did try to join politics and you see what fate he ends up with!!!
The more I think, more I write the more distorted the view becomes. There is Chaos everywhere. Talking about Chaos, I am reading a book named Chaos. What it says is, there is some order even in Chaos. Can physics be applied to real life???
I am really confused…..

Inconsequential Existence

Sitting in the blue bus,
I feel the rush
It’s neither the adrenal nor the blood.

I peep from the window
To get fresh air
It’s neither here nor anywhere.

Skimming the roads
Tasting the wind
Are deeds of the past now indeed lost.

Hoping to connect
I stand by
To be overlooked like a passer by.

I wait just wait
All along
Hoping that one day I’ll belong.


------------- Dead Phantom

Chauka...

4 jobs I’ve had:

hmmm... Here you go...

Infosys

SAP

Tution Pamphlet ( I did this in 12th. I advertised the tution class i attended by distributing pamphlets all around the town. I got a discount in my tution fees :):):) )



4 films I could watch again and again:
I was not much of a movie buff until recently... The 4 i remember now...

Godfather (Part one)

Rocky II

Rang De Basanti

Dil Chahta Hai

4 places I’ve lived in:
Here I will use the houses that I have lived in...

Arunodaya (My home in dharwad)

Raghavendra Nilaya(My house in mysore)

528 Jayaram(My house in Blore during trainig)

001 Harsha Meadows(My house right now!!!)

4 TV series I like to watch:
I love watching TV...

Built for the Kill

Ballroom Bootcamp(this is the most recent that I am following on Travel and Living at 2100hrs)

Takeshi's Castle

Tom and Jerry

There are many more which can't be mentioned here due to social constraints!!! ;)

4 places that I’ve been on vacation to:

I will just mention the places that I have enjoyed the most

Kodaikanal

Waynad

Kolhapur

Mumbai

4 websites I visit everyday:

Google (lifeline...)

blogger

orkut

yahoo

4 books I’d love to read again and again:
I used to read a lot...

Godfather

5 point someone

Sherlock Holmes stories

Twist in the tale - archer(my fav)

4 favorite dishes:

Stuffed Bringal with lots and lots of masala dar curry prepared using red chilli and not green.

Huggi-gojju (Kinda of a kichdi... Prepared on special days)

Puran poli (This is a special sweet.. You can eat it with milk or a special kind of curry called "Amthe". It looks like a chapati. I usually like it with mango pickle.. My mouth is watering... bad tag!!!!!)

Pani puri!!!!!!!!!! I just love it....

4 places where I’d like to be right now:

Marine Drive mumbai!!!

Chamundi Hills

Waynad water falls that I visited.... I dont remember the name...

On my bike kissin the wind anywhere!!!! (Sadly after coming to blore I miss this exp a lot. This place is very very crowded!!!)

4 people I’m gonna tag:

Since Sid and I have common contacts, I am left with very few options!!!!

It is not about...

It was ironic. Eyes closed he could see light; as he opened his eyes there was darkness all around accompanied with a frightening, chilling silence. He could hear his breathing. He had that dream again, the Big Dream as he loved to call it. It is said that what you dream is directly proportional to what is cooking in your grey cells whole day. Hmmm… then he must be thinking about it day in and day out. So can it be really called a dream? This world is divided into a dichotomy here; ones who say it is and the other who say it can’t be called a dream. Dreams are also symbolic of the sleeplessness, the insomnia one experiences. He hasn’t had a full night sleep for ages now.
He sits up and starts thinking again, what all he needs to procure to realize his dream. He makes a mental list again on his virtual palimpsest. The task he has done umpteen times.

There are so many things he needs to procure!!! He has stopped laughing as the Dream always eludes him. His basic instincts have also diminished. He again lies down trying to give the so needed rest to his body muscles. His mind still wanders, pondering on his elusive dream that he has been chasing.

He wonders, is his dream worth the hardships that he going through? Are his hardships for real? He is doing nothing but think or rather crib, that he needs this or that to realize his dream. Doing Nothing!!! It sends a chill down his spine. His inability, to procure things that will facilitate easier realization of his dream, is rendering him into a state where he is doing NOTHING, waiting for a miracle so that he gets what he needs. But then, he contemplates this idea again today. The syzygy of events around him made him rethink. Why can’t he stop doing nothing? Why should he wait for that miracle? There can be other ways to start off the solution to his problem. They might look tedious but nevertheless there will no stagnation!!! The oxidation of the brain metal will stop, opening up new doors and new tangents of thought… Yes, it is not about…

As this minute hint of the total realization hit him, he plunged into a beautiful deep sleep like never before….

My Obsession - The Godfather

When people talk about me, almost all do mention my obsession for “The Godfather”.
My mobile ring tone is a symphony from the movie Godfather even I have Godfather written all over my bike!!!

Many people have asked me why? I myself have wondered why? I know it is not only to do with the movie. No doubt, being the most favorite movie of the world it must have something that has grabbed us all. But, when someone asks me to name one favorite scene from the movie, I fail to come up with that in an instant. I have to dig deep to come up with an answer. I am consistently inconsistent in this answer though. Seeing all this, I introspected my own obsession; The Godfather. Some interesting things came up all along this study.
Firstly, I am not obsessed with Godfather but the concept behind that. Godfather is a term used for a person who promises to take care of a child during Baptism and help bring up the child in a Christian manner. That is what the dictionary says. The key words in this definition for the case in point are, “promise” and “take care”. A person promises to take care of a child even though it is not his. He is an additional father for that child. God forbid if anything happens to the father, the child is not an orphan. He has his Godfather!!!
But, that is not exactly the concept that the term Godfather now points to. When you say Godfather you talk about Mafia. The Mafia or the Cosa Nostra… which means “Our Thing” in sicily a part of Italy from where this concept of Godfather which I am referring to comes up.
One definition of the Mafia that I liked the most was given by Sicilian ethnographer, Giuseppe Pitre, at the end of the 19th century:

Mafia is the consciousness of one's own worth, the exaggerated concept of individual force as the sole arbiter of every conflict, of every clash of interests or ideas.

This is the concept that I fell in love with. A sole arbiter, one person who is representative of power, of control, of respect!!!! A narcissist!!!
Many people hate this, this narcissism. I have discussed this with many of my elite friends and acquaintances. One statement of a particular discussion I would like to quote,

“Narcissism is good… A narcissist is a person who loves himself and knows what he is capable of. He is neither afraid nor intimidated by anyone. He never suffers from inferiority complex. Hence, he can appreciate whole heartedly good things in a person. He has no room for jealously and hence can non-egoistically appreciate what is good. He feels no fear when doing so”

This statement was made by another narcissist friend of mine, who is in IIM-A now. The concept behind godfather is also similar. He is supreme. If you listen to the music in the movie also, you feel that power. I might be exaggerating according to you, but it is true as far my mindset goes. There is one particular scene in the novel The Godfather by Mario Puzo, where the old dying counselor of the Don, asks him to order God not to take him. The counselor thinks at that moment that the Don, his Godfather is supreme than God himself. Only the Don knows better. And as if, the counselor was waiting for an order to die, he dies only when the Don tells him his work on earth is over and he may leave now.
This concept of power is what made me fall in love with the idea of Godfather. There is an interesting irony in all this, the man of power is soft spoken, he reasons before taking any action and is never harsh with words be it anyone even his enemy.

This quiescence, this Mystique and this Grandeur associated with the concept of Godfather is what made it my obsession!!!